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dimanche, juin 13, 2004
Coincidently, this is my 100th post

After long deliberation, I've decided it's time to move on. I can't keep two journals up, and livejournal... well, it just has the perks.

Anyways, thanks blogger for being awesome, and feel free to update your bookmarks.

Seeya. <3

dimanche, juin 06, 2004
Technicolor Girls

Sometimes I pretend like I'm in a video game, like I'm going through level after level, and I'm just a cluster of pixels.

Looking back at how I've been living the past while, I can't help but feel ashamed. It's as if I breathe in, and when my lungs breathe out, the air has become poison.

So I'm taking this opportunity to say sorry, to all of you and any whom I've aggravated, frustrated, and simply pushed your buttons.

I feel this need to break away, to rip all these cords out of me and run. I want to run until my chest burns and collapse into the grass and watch the sky. I want to scream, and bite, and wrestle with you, and then collapse on my bed and listen to your heart race. I want something I can hold onto, some certainty that's so real I can taste it.

It's okay to want to push the restart button from time to time, isn't it?

mardi, juin 01, 2004
Daily Dose Of Irony:

I'm sitting in a KFC drive-thru, waiting in a seemingly endless line, when I notice, about two cars ahead of me, a white van with the words "HERBA-LIFE HEALTH CLUB" written in gold on the back window, and on the sides, and I'm thinking Something's wrong with this picture...

And let me tell you something: when they got to the window and were handed their order, despite advertising a healthy lifestyle, that was one big muthafuggin bag of greasy chicken.

lundi, mai 17, 2004
Going on seventeen...

Okay, scroll down!

No, farther, silly!

All the way down!

There you go! W00T!!

(so excited, and I just can't hide it!)

mercredi, mai 12, 2004
Basking In The Spotlight:

I've been on hiatus, I guess you could say, for the past little while, and am feeling a little alienated- a little internet-shy, I guess; worried that I've lost some of my connections, the fault entirely mine.

The reason for my recent absence, however, is a good one (aren't they always?). I've been severely busy at school, working on the play Lysistrata, which ended only a couple days ago. As elitist as it sounds, I think only those who have been implicated in something like a play can understand what a commitment it is, and believe me, it is.

But picture this, if you will: Opening night, and it's your first bigger role. You're prepping yourself backstage, butterflies dashing around violently in your stomach, almost to the point of being uncomfortable. Your makeup is extravagent, you feel comfortable in your costume, almost as if it were normal attire now, your hair is out-of-this-world. You're listening for your cue, and then you run on stage and give it your all. You're looking in to the sea of faces when you get the opportunity, looking for loved ones. And then it's your scene. The one that throws you at the audience. And you're getting ready, and you're even more nervous, and excited, a little scared and your heart feels as though it could thump right out of your chest onto the front row. And then it's only you, and you're holding the audience in your palm, and it's up to you what happens next. You deliver your lines, as good as you've ever been, and the audience reacts, maybe laughs, and as you keep going, you keep getting better, and you're beaming. You come offstage, find a little place to be on your own, and smile.

I gotta say, it's worth it. All the time, and all the work, and all the frustration- it's all worth it. I wouldn't give a moment of it up- the fun and jokes backstage, the atmosphere in the room when I'm getting my makeup done, the friendships I've made, and that feeling, the one that I've never quite felt before. That's what it's all about, after all.

dimanche, mai 02, 2004
Working on an English paper...

"Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much."

-Alan Paton

jeudi, avril 29, 2004
I am your worst nightmare!

My music teacher informed me that she had a dream about me recently, and apparently it goes a little something like I'm standing at her music stand, in front of the class, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but I'm dropping pieces everywhere and spilling all over myself, making a mess everywhere, and she yells something along the lines of "Courtenay! Cut that out!", to which I respond "Suck it, Madame!". And then she woke up.

It's nice to know that I bring such color to people's nightly head trips. Truly.

lundi, avril 19, 2004
I can't stop thinking about you

Lately, you're constantly on my mind. You make me wonder- there is this quality in you that is somehow mysterious, and it makes me want to ask you so many questions. You are one of those people whom I can picture myself following around, simply because you intrigue me and I have only respect for you. I look at you and I wish I could tell you how pretty you are. Sometimes I think you already know, sometimes I think you're just silly and refuse to admit it, even though you know. I admire you more than any other person I've ever met, I think. You make me think things I've never thought, and you make me want to change- not entirely, just parts. I haven't known you long, if I really know you much at all. Sometimes our silence scares me, and every muscle tenses and I don't know what to do. I love watching you, and listening to you. I want to go on a picnic with you when it's warm, and lay staring at the clouds. I want to call you one morning and ask you to drive away with me; I think you'd do it, too. You have so many friends, but I think you're lonely. You're a different breed of person, one that I've never seen before. You are so real, and so interesting. I want to dig into your brain and peel away at you. I don't know if I could say I love you, but there is an underlying sense of caring and if you asked me to do something, I would do it- there is a loyalty I am bonded to you with. I hope I understand you someday.

mercredi, avril 07, 2004

Do you ever have those days where just when you think things couldn't get better, they do? It's like Christmas all day because you just keep getting surprised in that really yummy way.

My day was yummy like sprinkles on a sundae or watermelon in the summer, and I'm lovin' it. :)

dimanche, mars 21, 2004

If I had to pinpoint, I'd say the highlight of my day has got to be the few minutes during church this morning when Pastor Martin managed to rein act scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and fit it into his sermon without batting an eye.

Admittedly, it could be because he winked at me from the pulpit when I was the only one to burst out in laughter. It's up for debate, really. ;)

Copyright © 2003 by Usagi